i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
