Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
