I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
