i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
