Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
