Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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