It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
