the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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