she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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