I just made out with a guy for $7.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
