Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
