Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
