those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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