Swine flu is the new snow day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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