i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
