Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think my moral compass just broke
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
