i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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