are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
