dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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