apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm at about main and main street
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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