I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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