If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
