Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Are my feet made of real feet?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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