He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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