Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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