Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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