This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
