so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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