they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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