So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
