I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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