You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
