So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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