you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
