I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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