Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
