I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
