I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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