Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
