took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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