Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
