I hope mine doesn't look like that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
