Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
