Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
