With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
