Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
