Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
