My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
