well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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