the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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