May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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