I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
